The Cure for Writer's Block, a Filthy Bathroom, Soiled Laundry, and Much, Much More!

Friends! Romans! Countrymen....oh, wait, that's another blog post entirely. Sorry.

Friends! Romans (sure, why not?)! Fellow MS Bloggers! Lend me your ears (and some cash, if you're feeling especially generous -- HAHAHAHA! Watch out, David Letterman!). I've found the cure for writer's block! Ms. CrankyPants' Cure for Writer's Block (TM) is best illustrated with a picture of the item that today compelled me to:

1. Do several loads of laundry
2. Wash the shower curtain (had a bit of a mildewy smell, you know?)
3. Vacuum (okay, it was the Roomba, but still)
4. Clean the birdbaths
5. Refill the birdfeeders
6. Check the birdhouses for evidence of new nests
7. Shred some documents
8. Take a shower
9. Clean the bathrooms
10. Compose this brand-new post (breaking my week-long absence)

So, without further ado:

[&^*&(! photo is upside-down; please bear with me]

So, without further ado, take 2:

[Picture is now sideways; I wish I were doing this for comedic effect but I'm quite simply not.]

Ta-da (third time's always a charm!):

F*** it! I'll post the sideways one too; it's easier to read.

How incredibly annoying. This Blogger program makes adding pictures a bit...challenging. I'm willing to consider that it may be me, but only half-heartedly.

Anyway, this miraculous book, all 600 pages of it, forced me to do the nine chores above, as well as sit down to write a post. Why? Do you really need to ask? Okay, because on my to-do list today was Work Out a Savings and Investment Strategy. Are you asleep yet? Yes, it's an important task, blah blah, but FOR THE LOVE OF PETE it's boring! Even this jaunty-looking supplemental tome didn't help:

TK, if you're reading this, I...well, I'm sorry I never returned this book. I haven't read it, either, if that helps.

There's nothing quite like an appallingly dull task that makes other, slightly less dull tasks seem suddenly oh-so important. Plus, the ones I tackled provided immediate delightful results. Birds are now bopping around my feeder and no longer turning up their beaks at the birdbaths; I have clean underwear; the shower curtain no longer smells like a damp towel forgotten in the trunk of the car last week; I can walk around the house without having peculiar crumbs (at least, I hope they're crumbs) attach themselves to the soles of my feet; I can drop my toothbrush in the sink without feeling as if I should immediately boil it; the list goes on and on. What do I get from reading the two...zzzzzzzzzzz....oh, dear, sorry! I dozed off. Where was I? Oh, right. What do I...zzzzzzzzz. Blast! Sorry, this IS rude. Must.Stay.Awake. Maybe a separate paragraph will help.

Ah, yes. So, what do I get from reading the two books? Well, sure, a carefree retirement filled with traveling and, er, traveling and, ummm, well, you know. Stuff retired people do. Not worrying about money. And in my position -- someone with a massively expensive and progressive disease -- financial security is something I must take seriously. And plan for. Like, yesterday.

So these books are sitting right here next to me. Ooh, and right next to THEM is the remote. Plus, I just heard the dryer buzzer go off. I'll pop down for a quick check on the laundry, which I really should put away before it gets wrinkly. Ah, and I do need to make a pan of Swanky cornbread for dinner. I guess the books can wait 'til tomorrow.

By the way, if anyone wants to borrow Ms. CrankyPant's Cure for Writer's Block (TM), I'll happily lend you these books, and I'll even pay for shipping! No, really, I insist.

Something Looks Very, Very Wrong

Let's play a game. Games are fun! Games that allow you to laugh at other people (in this case, me) are even more fun than games where you do poorly and stalk off in a huff, or overturn the board, or shout at other players. I am not thinking of anyone specific.

Back to the game at hand. It's called "Can You Guess What THIS Is Supposed to Be?" Please see the picture below:

Take your time; this is hard. 

Okay, it was such a marvel, I took numerous pictures. Here's one with a wee Squeaky lookalike popped in. I don't know if it will help you identify the Mystery Object, but it amused me:

"Don't eat me!" (As IF.)

This next shot may give it away:

Got it yet? If you guessed, with some bewilderment, "Cupcakes? Good God, are those supposed to be CUPCAKES?" then you are absolutely right! And that is exactly what *I* said when I opened the oven door last night to reveal what I have since named "Crater Cupcakes." This recipe is from the Swank Diet book. That comment is not meant to malign the Swank Diet book. With one exception, all of the Swank recipes have been good. Rather, it's meant to illustrate that on this diet, you can eat yummy sweets; you just have to know how to follow a recipe. I've retraced my steps and am nearly positive I added all of the necessary ingredients, including baking powder. If anyone has a clue why the above would happen, I'm all ears!

The burning question is: did I toss them straight into the trash? Certainly not! I haven't had anything resembling chocolate since December. I gobbled one in straightaway (as did my husband), and they tasted mighty fine, crater or no crater. (Yes, I removed Wee Squeaky before I commenced shoveling them in my mouth.) In fact, on my shopping list: fat-free frozen yogurt to pop right into those craters, which I will warm in the microwave first.

Here they sit in their container, ready to be attacked after dinner. (Note attention-seeking Wee Squeaky lurking in the background.)

To prove that I can follow recipes and make edible-looking things, below are two other items that I made last night (both also from the Swank Diet book). Behold the Skillet Scallops!

I wish you could have heard me trumpeting, "Behold the Skillet Scallops!" FOUR separate times as I attempted to rotate this picture. Finally, I got sick of hearing myself trumpet and gave up. So, there, above, are the sideways Skillet Scallops. They still look pretty good, don't they? And, another triumph (fingers crossed for proper photo alignment): CORNBREAD!

"Hey! Where's the crater?"

Ah ha! Success! (Both the recipe and the photo.) We ate very well last night, the appearance of the Crater Cupcakes notwithstanding.

For those of you wondering -- and I know you're out there -- yes, I did wash Wee Squeaky, both pre- and post-food posing.