Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Cat Superhighway to HELL

In our ever-hopeful effort to keep the goddamn cats happy, my husband and I just shelled out a rather large amount of money for some wooden shelves. WAIT. These aren't ordinary shelves; no, sir. They are, in aggregate, a Mother-F***ing CAT SUPERHIGHWAY (MFCSH). So, obviously, they are worth the cost, no matter how exorbitant. That's what I keep telling myself (and my continually-about-to-divorce-me husband).

I saw a setup like these on Jackson Galaxy's show (which is totally not to say what I've done here is at all endorsed by him, so please don't sue me, Mr. Galaxy). The cats on the show -- formerly implacable enemies -- were alternately lounging and cavorting on the shelves. The idea is that the MFCSH gives cats a whole new area to explore and get the hell away from each other if/when needed. Or, better yet, the MFCSH offers a new level on which the cats can race around and chase each other PLAYFULLY. At least, that was my hope. Here are a couple of the shelves after my husband spent hours painstakingly arranging them.

The colorful string is my addition -- a LURE, if you will, to get the cats up and cavorting. 

The detritus on this one is ANOTHER LURE: catnip! Who could resist? 
Okay, empty shelves aren't as good as shelves with lounging/gallivanting cats, so I'll show you the amazing MFCSH in action:

Here come the cats! The arrows show you where they SHOULD be.

Yay! There's Squeaky! She loves the string! 

And, look -- it's Capt. Nap! "MMMMM! Is this catnip?"

Awwww, little Peeper loves to lounge on this MFCSH shelf! 
So there you have it -- our MFCSH is a roaring success. Oh, wait -- what's this?

Why, it's Chewbacca! He's a toy I bought years ago that no one played with. He sits at the launching pad/cat tree, just under the MFCSH. What a rude comment! 
In case it isn't ABUNDANTLY clear, the cats scorn the MFCSH. In fact, here's Squeaky lazing on the couch directly opposite the MFCSH. Yes, she's yawning in my face. Jerk.