Monday, December 28, 2015

I'm Bringing Cranky Back (Yeah!)

In case the semi-relevant pop culture reference escaped you, I'm alluding to the song "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake in my title.

Oh, dear. That's embarrassing. I just looked up the title, and it's actually "SexyBack." There goes my attempt to be hip. HAHAHAHA, little has changed, old friends! I'm as awkward as ever. (Note to self: Stop trying to be cool. Word.)

So the holidays have made me think about:

  1. Being cranky
  2. Jesus

I thought I'd have more items on that list, but that about sums it up. Being cranky is self-explanatory. The second item refers not to Jesus in the traditional, nice sense. It refers to the number of times I've said or thought, "JESUS H. CHRIST, this sucks."

"This" could refer to:
  1. Receiving a crappy present
  2. Remembering I forgot to was too lazy to send Christmas cards (again)
  3. Getting a Warm and Fuzzy holiday letter
  4. Cleaning Capt. Nap's butt 

Remember this guy?
"Hey! I'm rubbing my butt on your clean clothes! LOL!"
In 2015 (this would have been a Notable Achievement in my Warm and Fuzzy holiday letter), Captain Nap gained 4 freaking pounds. That's right! Now he's too fat to reach his butt! So I have the distinct (get it? Stink?) pleasure of using minuscule wipes (like, slightly larger than a half-dollar) to wash it for him. Oh, and to add to the fun, Squeaky finds his dirty anus repellent, and she lets everyone know by hissing and lunging at him constantly.

"You just stay up in your drawer, you nauseating creature."
So many good times. Captain Nap is on a diet; fear not, animal-loving friends. I want to get my enormous pal healthy STAT (and not just because I don't want to be on butt detail for any longer than is absolutely necessary) (I swear).

I'm going to keep this post short and sweet. I'm out of practice. And I don't know if anyone still reads it. Plus, now that I've covered POO, I'm all out of topics. Told you little has changed.

Ms. CrankyPants