Monday, April 1, 2013

How Do You Say "Diaper" in Italian?

Pee. I'm obsessed with pee. Regular readers of this blog will hardly be surprised; after all, not only do I detail my cats' activities in the litter box, I, regrettably, also post pictures (see How to Party Like a Rock Star if you are so inclined. I apologize in advance).

No, friends, this time it's *me* I'm talking about. Those of you with MS know that the need to urinate, FREQUENTLY, is part of the rip-roarin' good times associated with the disease. I hadn't entirely realized how much my incessant need to void my bladder affected my life until my husband and I began planning a vacation to Italy. 'Round these parts, I can take a quick trip to the grocery store or the mall, no problem. They always have bathrooms. On a road trip, McDonald's are ubiquitous, so there's little chance I can go very far without finding a bathroom and, pre-Swank-diet days, a greasy 6-pack of chicken nuggets and a chocolate shake. (Don't judge; it's impolite.)

Oh, this gross bathroom is a sight for sore eyes if you are desperate!
When I'm on a proper outing -- to go antique shopping with friends, say, or on a nature walk -- things become...challenging. First, I have to severely ration what I drink (and this includes milk in my cereal) before setting out. That's a drag. Typically, I drink two cups of coffee in the morning and a glass of orange juice, plus the aforementioned milk in my cereal. I'm quite often thirsty when I get up (pre-bedtime beverage rationing is firmly in place, for obvious reasons). So to have to skip my OJ or, horrors, a cup of coffee, quite frankly sucks. Because then I'm really thirsty. And, with the reduction in caffeine, I inevitably get a headache. THEN I get cranky, and everyone on my proper outing wishes I had stayed home within three feet of a bathroom so they could enjoy the damn trip without Ms. CrankyPants!

If I'm lucky on these proper outings, I can duck into a shop that happens to have a bathroom, although these shops are rare. More often, I'll trot into a sandwich or coffee shop and buy a drink (makes no sense, I know, but by this point I'm thirsty as all get out), and then saunter to the bathroom. If I've bought something, I don't feel bad about using the bathroom. However, actual sit-down restaurants that have signs such as "BATHROOMS FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY!!!" totally intimidate me and, in spite of my husband's patient urging, I cannot slink into a restaurant and try to scuttle past the hostess stand to the bathroom (which is always in the farthest reaches of the restaurant). I am in constant fear of a blaring confrontation: "HEY, YOU! [all patrons turn simultaneously]. Where do you think you're going?? Didn't you see the SIGN??" The mere idea has kept me standing on a sidewalk in front of a restaurant whining while my husband tries to persuade me that there's little chance of this shouting business actually happening.

And now I'm faced with a whole new challenge. Trying to find public bathrooms in Italy. I know they exist. I've used them, I'm sure, but that was years ago, before MS made every outing a question of "where's the nearest bathroom?" I've already memorized how to say, "Where's the bathroom, please?" in Italian. (My husband memorized how to order a beer, by the way.) But what to do, say, when we're browsing around shops or seeing sights? In no way am I suggesting Italy isn't fully equipped to deal with having-to-pee tourists (let's face it, lots of old people are tourists), but still I'm a bit apprehensive. I believe there are medications one can take to inhibit the need to urinate QUITE as often. I'd be interested in anyone's experience with such drugs, if you don't mind sharing. I'll even make a confession, which I hope will propel some of you to suggest some good drugs, and lots of them, STAT: I've actually wondered if I need to bring, er, incontinence pads or something.  

Payback. This is some kind of karmic payback for all the times as a wee lass I chortled with friends at adult diaper commercials, or the many times I snorted with laughter watching the Saturday Night Live "Oops, I Crapped My Pants!" faux-mercial (you have to scroll down a bit to the video on the page).

For the love of God, someone please tell me there's a better way!

17 comments:

  1. OK, you asked.

    I would recommend having a foley catheter inserted before you leave. Take a week or so to get used to it (even though there is really nothing to that - it's just emotional). Then use a Belly Bag (google it) instead of a leg bag, so you can wear shorts and/or skirts. Your worries are OVER, and you can drink all you want. Also, take a night bag for, nights - they hold twice as much. You will pee at night more than you drank during the day. Added bonus - you will sleep through the night. Do talk with your primary care doctor or urologist about this option. It may just your "Get out of the bathroom free card."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the idea, Webster! I definitely hadn't considered that before. (Sounds a little painful!?)

      Sleeping through the night: now THERE'S a novel concept!

      Delete
  2. I just wear "bladder incontinence" products, and let it flow...so to speak, if I can't make it to the loo. TENA and Poise are good products and come in a variety of "styles", pads, or full undies, and a variety of "protection", light, medium, heavy or...Peeing my pants all the darn time" I use light pads for daily use, heavy for a shopping trip, and the heavy duty full undies for long trips. The foley cath is a bit too drastic for me at this point. It's a real romance killer, and you want to be romancing in Italy!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen,

      Thanks for the "report from the field" -- I had no idea there were so many choices. Will investigate at once!

      Yes to the romancing in Italy!! :)

      Delete
  3. Sigh. As a woman who knows where every public toilet is in town - the ok ones, the alright ones and the in times of desperation only ones, I hear you. And getting up at night is a given. Often more than once.

    Then.... (drum roll please) I was prescribed Ditropan (oxybutynin hydrochloride). Bliss. I can sometimes go hours without having to pee. Which makes life much simpler. Though mind you, I would take the bladder incontinence products along as back-up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, I knew there must be some kind of medication. My neuro even mentioned one long, long ago (after a steroid infusion, when I was peeing ALL.THE.TIME).

      If I can get through to him (whole other issue), I will ask about it. Am a bit hesitant to add another drug to my growing list, but if it's only for my trip, I guess it's not so bad.

      Thanks!!

      Delete
  4. I have always said a McDonald's restaurant is America's corporate rest stop. They say "Over one billion served." I say, "Over two billion emptied."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, good old McDonald's...saved many a road trip!

      Delete
  5. I do the same thing with the need for bathrooms...I appreciate clean ones...and plan where I can stop at on a road trip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kim,

      Clean ones are a wonderful thing...far too rare. And don't even GET me started on PortaPotties...


      :(

      Delete
  6. Hi!
    I was diagnosed with an 'active' bladder after complaining of dashing to the loo every five minutes.
    I was prescribed 5mg of Vesicare (solifenacin succinate) every day and it's been brilliant. All back to normal.
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, more drug recommendations; thanks, SIF! I am kind of torn: on the one hand, pads make me nervous for what I assume are obvious reasons, but I also am hesitant about MORE drugs (seriously, you should see my medicine cabinet - it's embarrassing). I wonder if I can take them as a temporary measure? More questions for my hard-to-reach-by-phone neuro...

      Delete
  7. I don't see why not? They're not like nerve-pain drugs - you don't need to build them up or anything.Definitely one for the neuro, if you ever get hold of them!
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point! I just need to write everything down before calling; sometimes, I get flustered when I call (maybe it's shock that someone answered?) and forget the 12 other things I wanted to ask.

      Delete
  8. sorry to come to this party late.

    I have also taken oxybutynin which really did help me out - major dry-mouth but otherwise fine.

    i've also got some pads which i use when going on long journeys - never 'had to use them' (if you follow me) but the extra bit of confidence they give me makes life easier for myself and those around me. i admit, as a man, it's kind of easier for me to unload in public - not necessarily the best solution but an option in desperate times.

    where in italy are you going? i've seen some truly horrific public toilets there but any port in a storm - i also learnt the italian for "I have Multiple Sclerosis" (ho la sclerosi multipla) - but hey, there's even a McDonalds in Venice!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steve,

      You're welcome any time! Thanks for the comment on the medication, as well as the, er, products.

      We're going to Venice, Florence, and Positano. I've already figured out how to ask for the bathroom; good to know how to say I have MS. Did you get puzzled looks? I don't think it's so common there, but I may be wrong.

      Delete
    2. Well I'm always happy to over-share...

      I didn't have to use the phrase - last time we went Italy was a few years ago so I was probably in the "Denial" stage. Next time maybe? I think MS is less common the closer you are to the equator - which is why I find it strange that the top Neuros in Nottingham are all Greek.

      Ah beautiful Venice! That's where we got married.

      Delete