- Catch up on the "The Walking Dead" (everyone was right: it IS awesome!!)
- Notice how filthy the baseboards are
- Ignore the filthy baseboards
- Think about working out
- Think about writing a book
- Think about learning a new language
- Think about doing volunteer work
- Train my cats how to use an expensive new self-cleaning litter box
- Clean up after my cats refuse to use the new litter box
- Study my skin for new Suspicious Moles
Here's what you may be thinking instead: Ms. CrankyPants, what's UP with the moles? What are you, some kind of freckle- and mole-ridden freak? Because if so, ewww, and Shane (even Zombie Shane) would be totally turned off. In response to your extremely rudely worded question, YES, I am a freckle- and mole-ridden freak, although I prefer "babe" to "freak," thank you very much.
Hey, we haven't played Can You Guess What THIS Is Supposed to Be? in a while! Let's play!
|Hmmm, this one's tough. A piece of moldy cheese? A chicken breast that has fallen on a filthy floor?|
As the daughter of a foreign service officer, I spent a significant portion of my childhood in Brazil and Costa Rica. When my family and I lived in Brazil, I was pretty little and at the mercy of my parents, who may have insisted I wear sunscreen. By the time we moved to Costa Rica, I was a teenager and convinced that having a tan was cool. My pale, sickly skin was decidedly not cool. So I never wore sunscreen, and when I went to the beach with friends, I'd lie out like a beached white whale, hoping desperately to get tanned, pronto! Of course, that never happened. Instead, I'd get burned, pronto! And then I'd peel like a diseased grape. Not cool. Did that stop me? No, sir! I persisted in this foolish quest, hoping to overcome my genes and heritage, and magically transform into a bronzed babe. Silly, silly girl.
So now I'm paying the price. Highly Suspicious Moles lurk everywhere. I've had a couple on my back removed. Hey, remember this?
|These hushpuppies are quite similar in appearance to a particularly revolting mole on my back I had removed recently.|
ShitShitShit! By the time I got out of the movie, the dermatologist's office was closed. So I had to wait until the next day to talk to someone. Turns out, I was lucky. The biopsy revealed abnormal cells that, unchecked, could have turned into a melanoma. So on one hand, YAY! I'm relieved. On the other hand, AAAGH! How many other such abnormal spots are there on my hideously mole-riddled skin? Yes, I have already made my annual skin check appointment. In the meantime, with all my free time, don't think for a second I won't be scrutinizing every last spot. And learning a new language, while cleaning the baseboards.