Thursday, April 4, 2013

Here Comes the Sun Damage

It's a good thing I'm not working right now. This period of unemployment sabbatical leaves me with loads of free time to do important things, such as:
  1. Catch up on the "The Walking Dead" (everyone was right: it IS awesome!!)
  2. Notice how filthy the baseboards are
  3. Ignore the filthy baseboards
  4. Think about working out
  5. Think about writing a book
  6. Think about learning a new language
  7. Think about doing volunteer work
  8. Train my cats how to use an expensive new self-cleaning litter box
  9. Clean up after my cats refuse to use the new litter box
  10. Study my skin for new Suspicious Moles
I know what you're thinking. Why did they have to kill Shane in "The Walking Dead"?!! Oh, you're not? So it's just me then. Fine. Whatever. You've just had more time to go through the Five Stages of Grief. Give me my space. (But did you SEE him with his shirt off? Just checking....)

Here's what you may be thinking instead: Ms. CrankyPants, what's UP with the moles? What are you, some kind of freckle- and mole-ridden freak? Because if so, ewww, and Shane (even Zombie Shane) would be totally turned off. In response to your extremely rudely worded question, YES, I am a freckle- and mole-ridden freak, although I prefer "babe" to "freak," thank you very much.

Hey, we haven't played Can You Guess What THIS Is Supposed to Be? in a while! Let's play!

Hmmm, this one's tough. A piece of moldy cheese? A chicken breast that has fallen on a filthy floor? 
NO! It's an extreme closeup of my forearm. Note the almost blindingly white skin, and the overall mottled appearance. That, friends, is the result of genes, heritage, and years spent cavorting in the sun in tropical countries, with no thoughts of sunscreen, skin cancer, or leathery, hideous-looking skin.

As the daughter of a foreign service officer, I spent a significant portion of my childhood in Brazil and Costa Rica. When my family and I lived in Brazil, I was pretty little and at the mercy of my parents, who may have insisted I wear sunscreen. By the time we moved to Costa Rica, I was a teenager and convinced that having a tan was cool. My pale, sickly skin was decidedly not cool. So I never wore sunscreen, and when I went to the beach with friends, I'd lie out like a beached white whale, hoping desperately to get tanned, pronto! Of course, that never happened. Instead, I'd get burned, pronto! And then I'd peel like a diseased grape. Not cool. Did that stop me? No, sir! I persisted in this foolish quest, hoping to overcome my genes and heritage, and magically transform into a bronzed babe. Silly, silly girl.

So now I'm paying the price. Highly Suspicious Moles lurk everywhere. I've had a couple on my back removed. Hey, remember this?

These hushpuppies are quite similar in appearance to a particularly revolting mole on my back I had removed recently. 
And, just last week, I had a dark and tiny new mole on my toe removed. I know new moles are a Bad Sign. Indeed, it was. The dermatologist called me while I was in a movie with my nephew. As a considerate movie-goer, I'd turned off my phone, but I saw that I had a message and who it was from. Horrors. I crouched furtively in the back row, trying desperately to hear the message over the movie blasting all around me. I couldn't hear the specifics, but I got the gist: mole biopsy not good. Call us back.

ShitShitShit! By the time I got out of the movie, the dermatologist's office was closed. So I had to wait until the next day to talk to someone. Turns out, I was lucky. The biopsy revealed abnormal cells that, unchecked, could have turned into a melanoma. So on one hand, YAY! I'm relieved. On the other hand, AAAGH! How many other such abnormal spots are there on my hideously mole-riddled skin? Yes, I have already made my annual skin check appointment. In the meantime, with all my free time, don't think for a second I won't be scrutinizing every last spot. And learning a new language, while cleaning the baseboards.


17 comments:

  1. When you run out of baseboards to clean, head over here, I could keep you busy (and your mind off your future melanomas!) for MONTHS!!!!! On a more serious note, glad you caught it!! MK

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is good news you caught it early.
    I too, am a moley soul. As a kid I could amuse myself for hours using a marker playing "Connect The Dots."
    Had'em checked once and so far so good.
    By the way, I loved hush puppies.....till now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never tried Connect the Dots...I may try it!

      Sorry about ruining hushpuppies for you.

      Delete
  3. Aaaargh. And we slathered ourselves with oil before cooking in the sun in that search for the perfect tan. I burnt and peeled, burnt and peeled and at best achieved an attractive (not) brick red colour.
    I am pleased that your moley toe has been doctored. Very pleased.
    And feel free to come over and clean house here. Anything to take your mind off your troubles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm getting so many offers to help out with cleaning; it's very moving!

      Ugh, yes, forgot about the oil part. Some time I'll tell you about putting lemon in my hair. One word: blisters.

      Delete
  4. My BIL died from melanoma. It is wise to get suspicious skin ickies checked. I am a redhead, which means sun damage is inevitable. I get all the "moles' checked yearly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, wow, sorry to hear about your BIL. That's sobering. So good to get them checked.

      Delete
  5. So glad you managed to avert a crisis. Must have been pretty scary! My sister has the same colouring as you and always used to sunbathe, whereas I lurked in the house, book in hand. Pleased I did now.
    But I do worry about my son frolicking outside at all hours and there's just no way of getting sun lotion on a six foot kid.
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was a bit scary (getting that phone call, especially!).

      You are SO lucky to have spent time indoors with a book instead of the preposterous sunbathing. Very sensible.

      Yeah, it must be a challenge to get a kid that size and age to agree to sunscreen. It's not very "macho" I suppose?

      Delete
    2. Nope! Ir's not cool. Same as him not wearing a cycling helmet, despite the fact he once fell off his bike and bust his head open.! None of his friends wear one...
      X

      Delete
  6. Why do medical people leave those kinds of messages right before they leave for the day? Agh! Sorry to hear it, but glad it was caught. This is a very interesting discussion. I recently read an article in an MS journal about research tying sunburns in childhood with the course of M.S. later along. Apparently, there is a connection. They think it has to do with the inflammation caused by sunburning. (Depressing, I know.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? It was very frustrating to call back and get the "We're all home and happy now; sorry!!" message.

      That is very interesting -- I had no idea there was a connection. Gosh, and here I was blaming my *early* childhood years in sunlight-scarce Iceland. Double agh!!!! I was doomed, I guess...between Iceland and Brazil/Costa Rica.

      Delete
    2. Years ago, I had a doctor leave a message telling me that he wasn't so sure about a lump I'd just had a mammogram for and he'd be sending me to see a surgeon. It seemed to have been the last message he left late on Friday. As you can imagine, that was not a pleasant weekend. Fortunately, it turned out to have been a crock. Nothing but a cyst that actually had shown *nothing* on a mammogram. Jerk. They're so sadistically cavalier. They don't think.

      Iceland and Brazil/Costa Rica, eh? Very interesting. And, yes, I guess you were screwed either way. No sun... too much sun... you can't win. ;-)

      Delete
    3. I'm shuddering just reading that, Ellen! I can't imagine. Well, not true - I can. After a mammogram two years ago, I got a letter (A LETTER!) saying the results showed "things" (don't recall the wording) and could I please come back in for another mammogram. That time, they squeezed the shit out of my boobs. Horrendous. Anyway, turned out to be nothing.

      Yep, I was screwed either way. Blaming my parents for all of my maladies! :)

      Delete
  7. Yay! this is a good reminder for me to check out my moles. I had early childhood sun damage too. I used to chase the elusive tan but I gave up after a few sunburns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, check on those darn moles! Of course, since that appointment I've noted about 73 others that look troubling. Sigh.

      Delete