Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I Was Abducted By Aliens, Which Sucked

I know, I know, it sounds RIDICULOUS, but it's totally true. And despite all the sci-fi movies about aliens being all super smart and possessing amazing technology, there was no way for me to work on my blog. From the, ah, spaceship. So! That's where I've been. (In space.)

Gotcha! I wasn't REALLY abducted. Hahahahhaha, bet you've really missed that razor-sharp wit. No, what happened was in May I went to the pool. First I got drunk, because when you're over 40 (BARELY), going to the pool is a bit frightening. Oh, that's just me? Hmmmm. Anyway, I got a bit drunk, donned my swim shirt and shorts...hang on, I think I have a picture...

Weird how that "Frankie Wetjacket" text appeared at the top of the pic. Will have to get my camera looked at.
So, yeah, I was perched on a table, poolside, when... OKAY, FINE, that's not me. Here's the real photo:

Clearly, I needed a shave. And boobs. And a psychiatric evaluation, STAT.
All right, you got me. That's not me either. But my actual attire vaguely resembled the second photo and looked absolutely nothing like the first (although my hair and makeup were super stunning). So I sauntered into the pool, wings fluttering, and proceeded to hop in, whereupon I was immediately ejected for failing to take a shower before entering the pool in which 27 people had just urinated.

DAMMIT, I'll just tell you all the truth. Nothing happened. I got really busy with work and felt more fatigued than usual. Might have been the summer heat, exacerbating my ever-present MS-related tiredness. Whatever it was, the blog became The Blog I Had Been Neglecting Horribly. I felt as though I'd also neglected the friends I'd made via the blog, which made me feel like an ass. When I thought of all the work I'd have to do to worm my way back into everyone's good graces, I felt even MORE tired. So I continued to neglect my blog and others' blogs, and staved off most of my guilty feelings by telling myself you're all big jerks anyway.

Hahahahhaha! Of course I didn't do that. Some of you kindly contacted me to make sure I was okay. So, thanks; really. For those of you who are still reading me, I will be easing (worming) into the blog and popping over to see what you've been up to. I've missed all of you big jerks. A lot.

36 comments:

  1. No need to worm your way into my good graces, I am very glad you are back!

    *doing happy dance*

    Birdie

    PS- I have a new blog.

    http://ditchingthedog.wordpress.com/

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  2. Hi, Birdie!! Thanks for the kind words. Adding your new blog to my reading list now.

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  3. Oh frabjous day! So pleased to see this popping into my inbox, don't leave us bereft for so long again, young lady.

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    Replies
    1. Never, Steve, NEVER!*

      *probably

      p.s. I have no idea what frabjous means, but I'm going to go ahead and assume it's a nice thing.

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    2. Um. A friend just told me it's from Alice in Wonderland, which of course I TOTALLY KNEW. I just forgot.

      Anyway, a quick visit to Google revealed THIS gem (also from AiW): "I shall futterwacken vigorously!" which appealed to the 13-year-old in me.

      Hmmm. That didn't come out right. Never mind. Ugh.

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    3. Jabberwocky, dude. An old teacher of mine made an entire class of 11yr olds learn it off by heart!

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    4. Good memory! (Or is that all you remember?!)

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    5. 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves
      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
      All mimsy were the burrogoves
      And the mome raths outgabe.

      That's all I have without googling!

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    6. I don't see HOW you could forget the "...futterwacken vigorously!" bit. Oh, that's just me? Ahem. Yes.

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    7. No "futterwacken" (vigorous or otherwise) here, but excellent advice to shun "The frumious Bandersnatch" - heed it well.

      http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/jabber/jabberwocky.html

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    8. Hmmm, I think I work with a frumious Bandersnatch. Consider him/her shunned, effective immediately.

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  4. Welcome back! If you're feeling uninspired, have you thought about phoning it in? We love to do that... kinda like we did this week. And 2 weeks before that. And probably next week. Blogging consistently is hard.

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    Replies
    1. Excellent suggestion! Or perhaps some "best of" posts? On second thought, that might not work out.

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  5. These things happen! It's a good thing that the alien abduction story isn't true, because those always end up with "and then I got probed."

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    1. Thanks for understanding! Be sure to tell me when you get to the part that's *not* good about alien abductions.

      hahahahahhahaa (see: comment referring to "13-year-old in me," above)

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  6. Calloo, Callay from another jabberwocky fan.
    And welcome back.
    Fatigue is a bitch isn't it? And in cahoots with its cousin guilt...

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    Replies
    1. Hoo-roo-hay, thank you! ("Hoo-roo-hay" just seemed to go with the Jabberwocky theme.)

      Fatigue IS a bitch. Loathsome. I could do without Cousin Guilt, but it is what it is.

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  7. Yea! You're back! Being the caring blog friend that I am, I apologize for not emailing. Thought about it many times though.
    Figured you just moved on to something else on your bucket list....like writing a bucket list.
    Glad you are back. Now I have someone to steal ideas from.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! Steal away. Here are some topics to get you started:

      Cats
      Cat poo
      Cat poo cleanup

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  8. Funny thing, I was just thinking out of the blue, "what happened to Ms. CrankyPants??" and here you resurface!

    Drunk at the pool with aliens. totally believable. Now, don't run off!

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    Replies
    1. Like a wart, or those mushrooms you can't seem to get rid of in the damp parts of your yard, I resurface when you least expect it!

      I am happy to hear SOMEONE believes me. No more running off...unless those pesky aliens return.

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  9. Welcome back! Your post today was just what I needed after a tough day at work. :)
    I've found blog friends are like dogs - no matter how long you're away, they're always happy to see you when you return.

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    1. Happy to be back! That *is* a nice thing about blog friends. As I begin reading my friends' blogs, I'm remembering why I like you all so much. :)

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  10. Well I for one am a big jerk who is happy to see you here - and I just wrote an entire post about being grumpy, so you making me happy is no small feat ;)

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    1. Well that makes me feel good; thanks! And every time I see your animated cat with the machine gun, I crack up.

      p.s. When I wrote the "big jerk" line I was, naturally, thinking of you. :)

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  11. You should wear that webbed swimsuit into work.I'm sure none of your coworkers would take any embarrassing photos for use as potential as blackmail. :)

    Also, it was totally me. I was one of the wrongly-maligned 27 swimmers: peeing in a pool is natural, babe. Ahhhh.

    P.S. Glad to see you blogging again!

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    Replies
    1. HEY, I know who you are! You will definitely regret suggesting I show up in public in any kind of swimwear. Although, it might (a) give you a perfect excuse to go home sick or (b) put you in a strong position to file a worker's comp claim. I'm sure the sight of me would cause some kind of permanent injury to your eyes. Let's see if we can't work out a little deal...

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  12. I've miss your sassiness & wit! xxxx Love from MN.

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  13. Cranky! You've returned! I'd been worried! (But also was suspecting the f**** fatigue monster, work and summer heat had smote you… sorry to hear that was indeed the case. F***** fatigue! F***** MS! (You can tell, I've been in a f**** frame of mind lately.)

    From one wiped out on-again off-again blogger to another, welcome back. So good to "see" you around again!

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    Replies
    1. Hi, Ellen! Yes, the f**** fatigue/MS strikes again. It's good to be back and have blogger friends who understand all the f*** s*** that makes blogging f**** sometimes. :)

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    2. Er, "f**** challenging sometimes," I mean.

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  14. I HAVE been wondering where you were, and hoping you were okay. This summer was brutal heat wise, so I understand. My blogging lagged a bit too. I am glad you could stop by now and say hi.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! All is well-ish. Have some major CAT issues I'm mustering up the enthusiasm to blog about. Stay tuned... :)

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  15. Both of those outfits seem awfully cumbersome for swimmers. I think they'd be better utilized playing tomb raider and going base jumping.

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    Replies
    1. They DO, don't they? Although I suspect the lady in the first outfit isn't going to actually SWIM; just perch and look bored/haughty.

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