Wednesday, July 17, 2013

An Awkward Moment in the Bathroom

That mess on the floor? A rudely discarded paper seat cover! I can't explain the toilet paper roll. No, there aren't any bored cats roaming around the workplace. (Full disclosure: this was taken at my previous job. But still.)
So I just came back from the bathroom at work. While in the bathroom, I had an Awkward Moment (although, really, is there any other kind in a bathroom?). A woman had entered immediately before me. As I strode toward my stall (remember, people, the one closest to the door has the fewest germs!) I passed her. She had stopped to disengage one of those rustly paper seat covers. As she struggled noisily with it, I marched on past and into the stall, sans paper seat cover. I immediately felt self-conscious. What was she thinking? Was she smugly wrestling with the blasted seat cover, privately praising her attentiveness to hygeine while recoiling at my lack of the same?

Oh, yeah? Well I am plenty hygenic, damnit, and I also am very mindful of waste. Not *that* kind: the paper kind. Those flimsy paper things seem to me like a big fat waste of resources, and I think I read somewhere once that they don't really accomplish anything in the way of protecting you from germs. The real gross stuff in bathrooms is lurking on the door handles and the toilet flusher, and I'll have you know I always flush with my foot. So THERE! I was all indignant in my stall, imagining what Ms. Paper-Rustler was thinking about me as she primly sat on her paper-covered toilet seat, making dainty little crinkling noises.

I hurried out of the stall and raced to the sink, trying to avoid that Awkard Moment where the two of us would meet at the sink at the same time. Even were it not for the awkwardness I'd conjured up surrounding the seat cover, there's always a little weirndess at the sink. Do you acknowlege each other? In our case, being on opposite sides of the Great Paper Seat-Cover divide, I thought not. She probably was thinking I was disgusting, and I was thinking I'd like to get myself out of the bathroom before I was forced to meet her withering expression in the mirror.

I noisily washed my hands (see: "I am plenty hygenic, damnit," above) and bolted, recycling the paper towel I'd dried my hands with to open the door (see: "gross stuff lurking on door handles" and "I am very mindful of waste," above).

A quick blog maintenance & responsiveness to others' blogs note: I've been out of commission for a couple of weeks, owing to a tremendous bout of fatigue. Not sure if it's the MS plus the horrific heat, or a terminal illess (or all three), but it's kept me largely inert -- like a dirty, scratchy sack of old potatoes with those white things sprouting out of them. Sometimes just the idea of getting on the computer makes me tired. So, really, it's not you, it's me! Hang in there with me, unless my old-sprouty potato description, plus the fact that I don't use paper toilet seat covers, means you don't want to be my friend anymore.

14 comments:

  1. You flush with your FOOT???!!! And don't wind up flat on your back and butt on the floor? You are my hero.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha! Not YET. That could be awkward indeed. ("Ummm, excuse me? Ms. Dainty Paper-Rustler, can you please lend me a *washed* hand in here?")

    ReplyDelete
  3. --Haaa. don't know why, but
    this post reminded me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is in the bathroom and asks the woman in the stall next to her if she can borrow toilet paper and the woman says "No."

    You had toilet paper, right?

    Xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pshaw! Toilet paper? Didn't you see, I am all about Saving Trees! Okay, yeah, I had TP.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've never seen the point of those paper whatsits. I always find the worst loos are the ones in hospitals. I mean, really. If you weren't sick before,you would be after visiting one of them,lol.
    X

    ReplyDelete
  6. They're kind of like the tissue paper people stuff into wedding invitations: kind of nice in theory but more than likely to end up on the floor or stuck on your shoe. (NO, this hasn't happened to me.)

    Bathrooms in hospitals and airports are always gross. [Shudder]

    ReplyDelete
  7. you want to know about awkward moments in the bathroom? try being male and using a public urinal - don't get me started!

    where to look? obviously at the ceiling, right? but sometimes a FREAK OF NATURE will be stood next to you (i.e. a chatty and shameless man) and will want to talk about... i dunno... the WEATHER or SPORT.

    and what if you can't go? (even if your wacky nerve endings are telling you you're full to bursting) this just makes you look all kinds-of wrong.

    for these and other reasons (mostly fatigue-related) i head straight for the cubicles everytime - PLEASE NOTE: in general, MEN CAN'T AIM with any kind of accuracy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That would be nighmarish! Nothing like a casual CHAT while trying to accomplish one's, er, business. Like you, I'm sure I'd trot straight to the stalls.

    "this just makes you look all kinds-of wrong" -- LOL. Indeed. And then you're THINKING about it, which makes it all the more unlikely that your bladder will cooperate...public bathrooms are a horror.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I also use the paper towel to open the door. Those hand dryers make it difficult to open the door.

    Sometimes I'll use the paper seat covers...sometimes I create my own toilet paper mache shield...and sometimes I ride bare-back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, yes; when it's hand dryers only, I use a pinky to open the door (and try to remember not to use that pinky later).

      Somehow I suspected you were a dainty, crinkly seat cover user. :)

      Delete
  10. Every time now for the past month, as I've carefully placed a paper ass-gasket (as a friend from high school calls them) on a public toilet seat, I have thought of this post. I know in my heart that this quaint little paper ritual is not going to save anyone from germs. But the thought of that cold, unprotected seat used by thousands... I humor myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am only slightly embarrassed to admit that knowing you think of my blog while you're in the bathroom kind of makes me proud.

      Delete
  11. What about the stall door handle? Do people ever really think about THAT?! And I'll confess something about those toilet seat covers. One of my fears (ok terrors) is that one day if I use a paper cover, is that I'd forget I used one and clean my business, zip up my pants, go out there wash my hands and walk out the door, not realizing that the paper seat cover somehow got snugged into the back of my pants and the world could see it flapping behind me. It really did happen... One time. OK, maybe two.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I think about THAT plenty. Not sure there's any way around touching it, though. [shudder]

      I hope you don't mind that I laughed at the seat-cover story. Sounds exactly like something that would happen to me, too!

      Delete