Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Big Scary

I did it. It took me 6 months, but I did it: I made an appointment to have a "swelling" in my neck looked at. First step is an ultrasound. Then, I suspect, will be a biopsy. Naturally, the imaging center was all set to take me immediately, but I still am not quite ready to face reality, so I scheduled the ultrasound for March 11. Enough time so I don't feel panicky right away, but soon enough that I can feel as though I'm Taking Care of Business. Business I should have taken care of in August, when the doctor first made note of it, but I'm trying to not beat myself up or let my mind wander to those dark places so familiar to a hypochondriac. For those of you who have normal patterns of thinking, I'll illustrate what I mean by that "dark places" bit.

The Scene: Medical office. Doctor is sitting somberly behind his desk, shaking his head sadly as he reviews my test results. I am perched on the very edge of a chair in front of his desk, sweating profusely and about to either faint, vomit, or both.

Sad Doctor: "Ms. CrankyPants, Ms. CrankyPants, Ms. CrankyPants...why, oh WHY didn't you get this looked at 6 months ago? We could have saved you! Now...it's far too late." [more sorrowful head shaking]

Panicky Ms. C-P: "Blkhjkdbgysnph!" [inarticulate mumbling, vomiting, or both]

Now-Annoyed Doctor: "Assistant! Remove Ms. CrankyPants from my office at once! See to it she doesn't soil the carpet. And be sure to get her co-payment!"

If I don't do something to stop it (like watch a trashy TV show or read gossip sites online), my terrifying little fantasy gets a lot more involved, but I don't want to totally depress you. So I'll switch to something cheerier:

I'm going bald! Yes, folks, there is an alarming patch of thinning hair that I'm seeing the dermatologist about next week. (Clearly, vanity propels me to the doctor a lot faster than a possibly life-threatening Suspicious Swelling.) Hopefully, the hair loss is caused by something delightful like a fungus that can be cleared up with a smelly and scalp-stinging shampoo, but I'm certainly open to other, deadlier, reasons for this latest addition to Things Wrong with Ms. CrankyPants. Even Capt. Nap is concerned disgusted.

"I can't look at your fungus-covered scalp! It's hideous!"
I'll keep you updated as these medical dramas unfold. In the meantime, I'm watching crap TV, wishing desperately that Dr. Swank's damn diet allowed chocolate, and trying not to touch my hair.


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18 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 28, 2013 at 6:46 PM

    I did not know about the neck swelling. I am the total opposite. When I detect a problem, I want it gone as in yesterday! I am wondering if the hair loss could be related to the new diet. Have you googled that? Good luck! MK

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 1, 2013 at 7:13 AM

      MK, I've avoided talking about it. Part of my awesome bury-head-in-sand approach. Your approach is far more sensible, for sure.

      Re: the diet, I'll google that; I suspect it's meds, but it wouldn't hurt to check that too. Maybe it's a perfect storm of meds, diet, and stress!

      Delete
  2. KarenFebruary 28, 2013 at 10:49 PM

    Did you know that alopecia (hair loss), can be a side effect of Copaxone. Don't forget to tell the dermatologist ALL of the meds you are on.

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 1, 2013 at 7:21 AM

      I did *not* know that, Karen. Gah! If that is the cause, I wonder if they'll switch me to a different DMD? Hopefully there's a remedy that doesn't involve going off Copaxone.

      Thanks for reminding me about mentioning the meds. I actually carry around a list of all of them, which is usually pretty embarrassing to pull out as it's so long. Incidentally, don't you love those forms you fill out on your first visit to a doctor where they ask you, "What medications are you on?" and then have a line like this: _______________________ I've had to write on the back of many a form!

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    2. KarenMarch 1, 2013 at 12:20 PM

      I only take 2 drugs daily, one for GERD and one to help me sleep. On occasion I take an anti spasm/convulsant/anxiety pill, and that's it. My list of allergies to meds is way longer...about 25 drugs on that list.

      Delete
  3. Elephant's ChildMarch 1, 2013 at 12:48 AM

    Aaaargh. Though, I have found that my imagination has created realities far scarier than the one I am really living in. I hope yours is too. And Karen is right, not only can medication cause hair loss, but so can stress. And you have surely had a teensy, weensy amount of that.
    Good luck. Please keep us up to date.

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 1, 2013 at 7:23 AM

      Aren't imaginations fabulous, EC? At least, when concocting scary things (and you're not Stephen King and getting paid to imagine scary things!).

      Thanks for the positive thoughts. Good to keep a few of those in mind; stress isn't good for anyone, much less people with MS who are losing their hair.

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  4. ChloeMarch 1, 2013 at 11:00 AM

    I'd say it's perfectly normal to be s**t scared. I'm sure everything will be ok though. Like the previous comment said, the hair loss could be caused by stress. Ironic really, seen as the stress is probably much worse because of the hair-loss. You just can't win! ;) Haven't heard of the diet having anything but a good effect on things, after all it's just a healthy eating diet really, but you never know. Keep us posted and good luck with everything. Deep breaths and try and relax. xx

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 1, 2013 at 12:16 PM

      Thanks, Chloe, and nice to hear from you! Working hard to distract myself (probably shouldn't have looked at the doctor's ultrasound order just now, which has mysterious items checked off in the "lymph nodes" section). Oh, dear, I think a clump of hair just fell out!

      Deep breathing to commence at once...

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  5. Kim@stuffcould....March 1, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    You have a funny doctor scene here...I was losing hair also, but it stopped...It was scary but I do not know what caused it. I thought it was my age? but I was on Copaxone also at about that time?? I dont remember but I know many meds cause hair loss

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 1, 2013 at 12:19 PM

      Kim, how interesting...the Copaxone seems a likely culprit! Not sure what the solution will be (if that's it), but I'll definitely post about it.

      Thanks re: the doctor scene. Sometimes I have to laugh at my ridiculous way of looking at health matters, or else I'd go completely crazy.

      Delete
  6. AnonymousMarch 1, 2013 at 2:05 PM

    what is copaxone for? re: vanity & getting to dr quickly vs not...when I had the "goiter" on MY thyroid my vanity was quite affected! I was HORRIFIED. Every time I looked in the mirror & swallowed a few times "just to check it out" it look every bit as bad as it had the last 10,000x I'd checked it. I wanted that sucker GONE GONE GONE, stat, and partly due to vanity! So...maybe your swelling it much smaller!?MK

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 1, 2013 at 3:59 PM

      MK, the Copaxone is the drug I take for MS.

      I can't so much SEE it as FEEL it. At certain neck angles, e.g., when I swallow I can feel the thing bobble around. Gross.

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  7. My Odd SockMarch 2, 2013 at 10:12 AM

    I'm hoping the best for you. It is maddening, I'm sure.
    Maybe it's just a bite of sandwich that is stuck in there.

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 2, 2013 at 7:07 PM

      Thanks, Sock. It's maddening and scary. I do hope it's a sandwich, even though that would be revolting beyond words.

      Delete
  8. Stumbling In FlatsMarch 2, 2013 at 10:31 AM

    Hello!
    I really sympathise with you, you poor thing. My hair is falling out at an alarming rate, but I blame the Teenager, meh. I was eyeing up some rather lovely wigs in town yesterday....
    Let us know how it goes?
    Can't you just do the Swank diet 6 days a week and indulge on 1 day? That would work for me! I'm off for a Chinese tonight...
    X

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    1. Ms. CrankyPantsMarch 2, 2013 at 7:11 PM

      Hi, SIF!

      If I recall my behavior as a teenager accurately (and I think I do), then it could certainly cause a parent to lose hair. I will indeed let you know how it goes. And please stand by: I may need your advice on wigs.
      Dr. Swank says NO CHEATING! At least, if you want those fantabulous results, you are supposed to be mighty strict. I've tried *really* hard to be good and have mostly succeeded.
      Jealous of your Chinese...I just stopped at store to stock up on Tofurkey. Meh.

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  9. Stumbling In FlatsMarch 3, 2013 at 2:45 AM

    Hello,
    No cheating? That's just mean. I fancy the 5:2 diet where you only have 500 calories two days a week and eat normally the rest of the time. Suits my inner laziness, lol.
    Must really find some time to read what you sent me about the Swank. Am too scared. The Chinese was lovely - I could barely lever myself into the car afterwards and the teenager was bloated, bless him. Was funny though.
    I also figure that if I'm going to have yet another course of steroids in July, I might as well give up. I have put on so much weight with them!
    As they say, inside every large woman is a thin lady screaming to get out (cause I've just eaten her)...
    X

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