Thursday, June 2, 2016

Guess Who's the Worldwide MS Fashion Icon? (Yep, ME!)

Sound the trumpets: I have glorious news to share!!! I've recently been named named myself an the MS FASHION ICON, thanks to a brand-new cooling vest.

I know what you're thinking: the word "VEST" belongs nowhere near a sentence also containing the words "fashion" and "icon" (unless that sentence is "Former self-proclaimed and widely disputed fashion icon Ms. CrankyPants was found in a drunken, disheveled state, covered in her own feces and, tragically, wearing a soiled plaid vest.").

Clearly, I need to explain. As probably all of you with MS know, summertime heat is a bitch. It can make us sluggish, cranky, and weak. Oh, wait -- that's me on a normal day! No, seriously, folks, the heat is terrible when you have MS. Everyone's experiences are different, but I have:

  • nearly passed out (actual MEDICS were called; super embarrassing)
  • had ringing in my ears
  • felt weak to the point of having trouble walking
  • experienced double vision

All of these symptoms are temporary, thank god, but any one of them can make going outside when it's hot suck. ENTER THE COOL VEST! Yes, such a garment exists. And it's literally a vest that provides cooling relief from the crappy sun! How does this little miracle occur? It depends on the vest, as I learned. In an completely unbiased fashion (see what I did there?), I will share the high- and low-lights of two varieties so you can decide if a cool vest is for you!

First, some questions:

  1. Are you comfortable being the center of attention?
  2. Are you a fan of Steve Irwin (RIP)?
  3. Do you love the "Safari Look"?
  4. Would you be okay with being detained for wearing what appears to be suicide-bomber attire?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, have I got a cool vest for you!

Ta-da! Let's go to a swanky outdoor party! 
I am not naming brands, because I don't know if I could get in trouble, but this is what I refer to as THE MOST HIDEOUS THING I EVER WORE ON PURPOSE (TMHTIEWOP). Those red and blue checked pants my mom forced me into when I was four don't count. TMHTIEWOP requires one to freeze roughly 83 packs of ice and cram them into the many, many glam pockets. 
It's fun to wrestle with twisted, frozen blocks of ice!
Not ENTIRELY the ice blocks' fault that I have a minuscule freezer, but I blame them anyway. 
TMHTIEWOP with packs (can't account for the gray blobby thing, which I must have tucked into one of the pockets in a fugue state brought on by extreme heat or embarrassment).

The main drawback of this vest (apart from the obvious) is that the ice melts, quickly, when it's hot enough for you to you say "f*** it, I don't CARE what I look like as long as I'm not broiling hot!" And once that ice melts, you are -- as I was at a festival last summer -- left wearing a heavy, soggy, chocolate-ice-cream-drip spotted vest that security guards and, oh, every other festival-goer look at askance.

Summer is rolling around again, and I was displeased at the idea of relying on TMHTIEWOP to get me through outdoor events. Then! A revelation! I used this thing called "google" to look up alternatives. Guess what? There is more than one variety of cooling vest on the planet! I must have known this at one point (like, when I bought the first one), but perhaps I was unsure that I'd use it, so I opted for one of the more budget-friendly vests. Whatever. The point is -- there's actually an ATTRACTIVE cooling vest you can find using "google."
This is the back side (hahahaha). Seriously, if you have to wear one, how cute is that? 
Look at it! LOOK AT IT!!!!
The front is pretty utilitarian, but the belt thingy gives one a shape that actually resembles a human body.
The Coolture vest (I swear I'm not getting paid) also uses packs to keep it, uh, cool, but they are small and easy to manipulate into the well-concealed pockets.

They look like large-ish ravioli, but their official name is CoolPak.
I'm too lazy to try to rewrite the details, but according to the Coolture website, the CoolPaks are "similar to dry ice...freeze colder than ice or gel, and remain colder than ice or gel." 

Oh! And the Cooling Vest With Graphic variety (the hummingbird is one of several designs) comes with a free cooling headband!
This looks...inappropriate (oh, it's just me?!). But here's the CoolPak being inserted into the headband.
You're going to have to trust me: the headband is pretty cute. And it feels freaking FAB! The cooling part rests at the back of your head. I've been outside for an hour or so with just the headband (OKAY, and clothes, pervs) without dissolving into a whiny, cranky heap.

I read here about programs that help people afford vests. This might apply to U.S. residents only, but hopefully there are similar programs in other countries. The ActiveMSers' reviews of cooling vests helped me choose the CoolTure vest. 

Here's hoping you all stay cool. And, most importantly, cool

34 comments:

  1. To be totally honest, I think I'd rather stay inside than go out in a cooling vest! And the headband may look pretty cute on you, but on me I'd look like I was wearing a bin bag on my head. :D

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    1. LL Cool Joe - don't sell yourself short! I'm POSITIVE the vest and the headband would look amazing on you! Plus, it would give new meaning to your name :)

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  2. Just yesterday (or was it the day before?) I stopped by your blog and was wondering where you were.

    This is great information. I have many clients with M.S. and I will remember to tell them about this vest. What a great idea!

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    1. The concept really is good. Even the ugly-ass one was helpful, I must admit. Thanks for spreading the word!

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  3. Sigh. I am so so grateful that our sweaty season is temporarily a thing of the past.
    I have a different version vest. Dunk it in water, and squeeze it on. It works. Sort of. But is very restrictive. And yes, ugly.
    Lovely to see you back here.

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    1. Lovely to be here. At this rate, I'll be back when your sweaty season is in full swing again!

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  4. migosh, I've NEVER heard of such things! Who knew? But, I'm thinking... isn't it heavy? If I'm wearing that much stuff, I think I'd want those bags to be filled with gorp and beer.

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    1. The SPORTY KHAKI OUTDOORSMAN/SUICIDE BOMBER vest is heavy. The Coolture one is surprisingly lightweight. The packs are much smaller.

      Dude, my husband has been trying forEVER to get me to wear some kind of beer hat. Almost entirely, I suspect, so he can have me haul beer around for him.

      I'm scared to ask, but: what the eff is gorp??

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  5. nice to see examples of the kit but why so coy??

    i refuse to buy one in this country - as soon as the weather starts to turn for the warmer and people actually start to take notice, the sun gets all shy and buggers off behind a cloud - if i bought anything as ludicrous as a cooling vest, i'd probably be responsible for bringing on a flood of biblically epic proportions - best to sweat it out for the good of the nation.

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    1. Ha! I consider it a MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT that I (a) wrote a blog post and (b) dragged out the many pieces of equipment I needed to take pictures. Plus, the only time I've been inspired to attempt the rigorous activity detailed in (a) and (b), no one was home for me to model the gear, and I was not about to try a SELFIE!

      You are a magnificent human being for enduring the heat for the nation. I think you'd look swell in one of those jaunty headbands, though. (Actually -- still not getting paid -- they do have some for men. Go well with your sticks, I say!)

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  6. I have yet to find the need for a cooling vest. I love when it's HOT out. In fact, I should be on the lookout for a heating vest.
    Yet, I totally know people who would love this! And for someone like yourself, I'm sure it's absolutely amazing! And the hummingbird is a perfect touch. :)

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    1. You know [still shilling for Coolture] they DO make a heating vest! But the very idea of one makes me recoil. Yes, the hummingbird is perfect!

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  7. I was thinking of dry ice, but am aware of the "sticking" problem it can have on skin. And I think wearing the headband around your neck where the carotid arteries are would be better than around your head...Now you just need a crotch fan for the look to be complete.

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    1. Funny you mention CROTCH FAN. I have many, many crotch fans. OH! That's not what you meant. HAHAHHAHA.

      p.s. I do not have many crotch fans, Mom and Dad.

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  8. Nice to see you back, darling.
    Where have you been all this time?
    I would assume you look like a super model in the vest! Am I right? Only certain people could get away with that thing! xx

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    1. Thanks, Chick! I've been....wellllll, is "Lazy" an actual place?

      Also, yes, I'd say *super model* is the perfect way to describe how I look in my getup.

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  9. Nice to see you back, and in high fashion, at that! I'd wear one of these and I don't even have MS. I just love to go outdoors and run or hike but instantly melt in the sun. We hope to see you around here more now that you're staying... cool. [finger guns]

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    1. You could totally wear one. They have badass designs (not just cute ones) like a BULLDOG, A FISH, the MUD-FLAP SILHOUETTE OF A HOT LADY (not really).

      Finger guns right back at you!

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  10. I've been hemming and hawing over the headband for a month, but reviews for them DO NOT EXIST on the interwebs...so glad I stumbled across your blog! I'm a newly diagnosed MSer(early March) and also a raging hypochondriac, so I'm glad to see I'm in good company. Wait, that sounds douchey...obviously I'm not glad you have MS. But I'm glad to find a kindred spirit, as well as a fine endorsement for the headband (that is totally the same pattern that's parked in my Coolture shopping cart, BTW). Off I go to hit the order button!

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    1. Hem and haw no longer, Becky! Happy to hear you'll be joining me on the fashion vanguard. Maybe we'll even run into each other and give each other the special fashionista hand signal.

      Yesssss, we hypochondriacs with MS are a delightful bunch. The douchey ones are even more amazing! I, too, am glad to find a kindred spirit (and I'm not afraid to say I'm glad you have MS -- hahahahhaha) (TOTALLY KIDDING).

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  11. This sounds like a perfect solution for an office environment kept snugly warm with a space heater! We could all then comment how "cool" your vest looks.

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    1. Dude. If you expect me to perform at peak, ah, performance, then you best keep that space heater on LOW. But please feel free to comment any time about how COOL I look!

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  12. Is it possible/feasible to wear the vest UNDER your clothes? Seems like you'd get max cooling & have less obvious dork factor to contend with from a fashion standpoint. you could even wear something longsleeved & loose/flowy if you had to.


    -Ken Who Actually Read the Whole Thing.

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    1. Dry Dog Ken, it sounds as if you need a hydrating vest!! As for wearing it underneath clothes, I think I'd have to wear, literally, a TENT to not have odd bulges and creases (more than usual, that is). So it might be even more of a spectacle than a vest.

      Thanks for reading the whole thing!!

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  13. OMG, are you ok? You are a champ for being able to laugh about this!

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    1. I'm okay, RK, as long as I stay as cool as possible. Seriously, this heat is UNREAL.

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  14. dude is this going to make you look fat? I'd be worried about that.
    You won't need this in Ireland. Average temp is 9 degrees celsius (you calculate what that is in Fahrenheit!)

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    1. This does NOT make me look fat - my husband assured me :)

      Math = no. I'm sure it's much more pleasant.

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  15. I have never wore a cooling vest but I can see why there is a need for one. I just tend to stay inside. I need to check out the different kinds

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    1. There are a lot available. I just felt the least embarrassed in this one! I, too, prefer to stay indoors when it's this freaking hot, but I hate to HAVE to stay inside. At least this gives me the option for going out for a little bit.

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  16. I came across your blog and i totally understand the heat is a bitch and i know its only going to get worst. I'm glad you wrote about the vest my mom has been wanting me to get one since i passed out because of the heat last week, but i don't know still on the fence. Its so hot i think staying in is best for me.

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    1. SadEyes -- this thing has been amazing this summer. If nothing else, I really recommend the headband. Sometimes I just pop that on when I don't feel like donning the vest. It really helps.
      Passing out from the heat sounds pretty awful. Maybe give one of these a try??

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  17. I have joined you as hopelessly hip. I own a vest but have not yet donned the complete ensemble. My set includes a necktie that I have worn.
    Love the five questions!

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    1. Welcome, Sock!! Isn't it great?! I wore it outside the other day and someone (not related to me) actually said how great it looked. It's possible this person felt sorry for me or was suffering from heat-related delusions, but still!

      A necktie, huh? Wait JUST A DARN MINUTE. Are you messing with me?

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