Tuesday, January 8, 2013

"Poo Paws": Capt. Nap's Cure for Fatigue

Oh, Captain Nap.

"What?" 

This is Napoleon (of recent "Thank You for Vomiting, Napoleon" fame). He's saved the day again! You'll recall, I have him to thank for feeling too ill to eat a bag full of Butterfingers. This morning, he cured my fatigue! Clearly, this cat is an MS miracle waiting to be discovered by the medical community. Here's what happened:

I had just had my Dr. Swank-approved breakfast (the same as yesterday; I'm a creature of habit/too lazy to be creative at 7:30 a.m.) and went upstairs to do...something important, I'm sure. There was Capt. Nap, curled up on my bed, cute as can be. He stretched and rolled over upon seeing me, even letting out a small meow as if to say, "Hi! Come lie down for a sec. You look like you could use a rest." (I know that's a lot to interpret from a small meow, but you'll have to trust me on this.)

Because I didn't want to be rude, I hopped on top of the bed and curled up next to the good captain. As I was lying there, I began to notice a strange, unpleasant smell.

"Hmmm," I thought. "Could I have a brain tumor?"

How else to explain this out-of-nowhere smell? Let's check in with our friend Napoleon. He had begun flexing his paws in that adorable way cats have when they are super-content, and as I was about 1.2 millimeters from said paws, I noticed something on those charming little appendages. Something that looked like...POO. Yes, friends, Capt. Nap had "poo paws" (PPs).

Despite recent, published evidence to the contrary, Napoleon is not a disgusting cat. These incidents have been aberrations. He's really quite neat and tidy. The reason for this story is to illustrate how he cured my fatigue. See, I reared back from the PPs and seized (gently) the cat. I marched (carefully) downstairs and proceeded to wipe off the offending appendages, for which he was enormously grateful. I then stuffed the bedding, pillows, and clothes I was wearing straight into the washer. After all of this, my fatigue and any thoughts of napping had vanished. My little MS miracle cat, Napoleon! He doesn't know it, but he's helping me.

As for my diet (sorry for getting sidetracked), yesterday was another Day of Success!!!! In addition to the already-mentioned breakfast, I had 2 toasted crumpets with 4 teaspoons of peanut butter (Smuckers' all-natural variety, because it was the only one I could find that didn't have hydrogenated oils), plus a few random snacks, such as a banana and some grapes. For dinner, I tried Pistou, from the Swank Diet Book. Pistou, apparently, is the French version of pesto. It had, among other things, potato, carrots, onion, pasta, zucchini...all in all, another simple-to-make and tasty-to-eat dinner. The recipe made 8 servings, so we'll  be having that again tonight.

So far, today is shaping up to be Day 3 of successful dieting. For breakfast, you'll be astonished to learn, I had the SAME DAMN THING I had on Days 1 and 2. For lunch, well, 7 Triscuits and smoked salmon, plus, um, 2 toasted crumpets and peanut butter. At least I'm consistent. Dull, but consistent.

14 comments:

  1. Squeaky is getting jealous of all the air time devoted to that stinky Capt. Nap. Watch out, she is planning something BIG!!! (not of the litter box or barfing variety, she assures me). Stay tuned! MK

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    1. Let's hope that something BIG involves her learning how to make coffee or something helpful. At the very least, I'd appreciate something I don't have to clean!

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  2. Ickkkkk...PPaw's. In our house that stands for pee paws, 'cause Merfy is a dog and doesn't get into his own poo, but manages to walk in his pee.

    Sounds like the diet is going well!

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    1. Haha - I'm relieved to learn I'm not the only one who has PPaw Pets (PPP).

      The diet is going well, thanks!! Day 4...

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  3. And on the other side of the world, Jazz also cures (temporarily) fatigue by making ominous retching sounds on the carpet beside the bed. Then, he feels better - on the better out than in principle - and I am forced into action. Sooooo clever.
    Congratulations on Day 3.

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    1. Clever, indeed! I am all too familiar with those ominous sounds.

      Thanks so much for your encouragement. Day 4, here I come!

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  4. I have another MS helper cat, as the Elephant's Child already knows so well. He's figured out a very successful way to get me out of bed. He often likes to sleep on my pillow wrapped around my head. So I hadn't thought to be suspicious when he hopped onto the bed and stood over my head one recent morning. It did, however, catch me a bit by surprise when the next thing I noticed, even though I was still very groggy, was a strong smell of cat urine--cat urine?!--and that my head suddenly felt rather... wet. WET?!! AGH!!! That got me up very quickly! (Unfortunately, I hadn't actually planned to be up for a couple of hours yet.) He's done this twice now in the last few weeks. I guess he likes to help me get out of bed and discourage me from oversleeping too (and get some extra exercise from leaping and pillow washing). They are so thoughtful, aren't they.

    Glad to hear the diet is being more doable!

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    1. Is it awful that your response made me laugh? I know that technically, a urine-head/pillow is no laughing matter.... Yes indeed, our cats are incredible little helpers for sure. I am a very light sleeper, so our cats are not allowed to sleep with us. In theory, I love the idea, but the reality is: jockeying for new positions all night, attacking feet, mewling insistently for food at absurd hours (5 AM, really?), and now, appearing with poo paws.

      The diet is going well, thanks!

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  5. Diets---good luck with that. Cats---hmm...I don't recall this issue...maybe he is trying to tell you something. (No, I am not going to try and figure it out for you. See, I too can help with MS Brain shrinking!

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    1. Thanks - this diet is brand new, so we'll see... I'm hopeful.

      I also appreciate your help with my MS Brain shrinkage!!! I can use all the help I can get :)

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  6. The line about the brain tumor? Pure comedic brilliance. I'm still laughing. Thank God it was just cat poo. And, congrats on Day Two!

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    1. Oh, go on. No, really -- go on! haha

      Thanks, Amy. Day 4 is finding me very tired (no surprise). I suspect my body is finding the drastic reduction in saturated fats to be very troubling. I have several tasty recipes to make over the next several days, so stay tuned!

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  7. That I'm laughing at the Poopy Pee Paws (of Injustice?!) has got to be a sign that I'm on the road to wackydom!

    I'm enjoying the blog, just wanted to let you know!

    Off again toward the kingdom of wacky...

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  8. Thanks, Miss Chili! I'll see you on the road!

    Ms. C-P

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